Hobbiton is reeling today with potentially crushing allegations directed at Mayor Samwise (“Sam”) Gamgee. Ted Sandyman, local miller, told the Arda Daily Times that he personally witnessed Gamgee preparing INSTANT potatoes for a recent dinner party held at Bag End, the home of the wealthy (if eccentric) Frodo Baggins, Esquire. “I couldn’t believe my eyes at first,” said Sandyman, “but there was no denying the truth. I saw that box of instant taters, plain as the nose on my face.” Anyone who knows Sandyman will allow as to how that is very plain, indeed.
When asked for comment, Mayor Gamgee said only, “The bag of fresh potatoes was such a heavy burden.” Frodo Baggins could not be reached for comment, but Gamgee’s long-time friends and companions on the infamous “adventure” in foreign lands defended the embattled Mayor. Meriadoc (“Merry”) Brandybuck told this reporter that the instant potato use was balanced by Gamgee’s excellent preparation of “tomatoes, sausages, nice crispy bacon.” Peregrin (“Pippin”) Took added, “The salted pork was particularly good.”
The alleged incident has left Hobbiton residents understandably unsettled. With the Gamgee administration in turmoil, area Hobbits are watching and waiting to see when the next tater will drop.