Tolkien News

SAM CAUGHT MAKING INSTANT POTATOES!

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Embattled Mayor Samwise Gamgee of Hobbiton.

Hobbiton is reeling today with potentially crushing allegations directed at Mayor Samwise (“Sam”) Gamgee. Ted Sandyman, local miller, told the Arda Daily Times that he personally witnessed Gamgee preparing INSTANT potatoes for a recent dinner party held at Bag End, the home of the wealthy (if eccentric) Frodo Baggins, Esquire. “I couldn’t believe my eyes at first,” said Sandyman, “but there was no denying the truth. I saw that box of instant taters, plain as the nose on my face.” Anyone who knows Sandyman will allow as to how that is very plain, indeed.

When asked for comment, Mayor Gamgee said only, “The bag of fresh potatoes was such a heavy burden.” Frodo Baggins could not be reached for comment, but Gamgee’s long-time friends and companions on the infamous “adventure” in foreign lands defended the embattled Mayor. Meriadoc (“Merry”) Brandybuck told this reporter that the instant potato use was balanced by Gamgee’s excellent preparation of “tomatoes, sausages, nice crispy bacon.” Peregrin (“Pippin”) Took added, “The salted pork was particularly good.”

The alleged incident has left Hobbiton residents understandably unsettled. With the Gamgee administration in turmoil, area Hobbits are watching and waiting to see when the next tater will drop.

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5 Comments

  1. Pingback: Arda Daily Times — Middle-earth News

  2. Greetings Valdis, May your beard grow ever long and luxurious and your axes and swords be ever sharp, regardless of any “confirmed” dwarven ancestry or not. We have a similar issue in my family involving fairies, so I know how it is. Regarding your excellent article—it was, well, most excellent. I nearly sneezed glitter all in my lavender tea when I read it! However, I will have to say I stand firmly behind Mayor Gamgee, as I have heard that he is very into recycling and I believe it when I heard that while there was indeed, an instant potato BOX on the kitchen counter, there were not in fact, any instant potatoes in it. He’d simply used the box, which he’d got from his neighbor—I forget his name, but I believe he’s a third cousin on his mother’s side once removed from the Proudfeet clan—to carry in the extra sausages. Which by the way were quite good I hear, although I didn’t partake of them. I quite prefer the mushrooms myself.

  3. Well met, Paula!

    I would bet that you have a clear sign of your fairy ancestry — perhaps the well-known “fairy toe?” For those who are unfamiliar with this trait, having a second toe longer than your big toe is a sure sign of fairy ancestry. For those of us descended from the great Dwarves, the beard is a dead giveaway. Dwarves and fairies share a passion for mushrooms. Perhaps this is why we generally get along well with Hobbits.

    I, for one, am glad to hear someone refute Sandyman’s allegations. Never trusted him, myself, but I am honor-bound to report the news. I’m sure that all will become clear in due time, and our good Mayor Gamgee’s excellent name will be restored to the respectability it so richly deserves.

  4. I won’t believe it! Not for one second, I will!

  5. Dear Valdis,

    Thank you for the information regarding signs of fairy ancestry in toes. Of course, the first thing I did was check, and sure enough, the second toe on my left foot is clearly the longer. On the right, it’s a dead even heat, whatever that may imply. Nevertheless, fairy toe-ness is but one of a number of other signs that exist in our family. The inability to wear watches for one; it’s not that we don’t like them—-I personally love Bilbo’s style, with his pocket watch in his vest, ever at the ready for promptness. It’s just that some of us can’t; we blow them up, along with the occasional small appliance, depending on stress levels. And there was that lovely fairy ring that appeared right smack on the front lawn of the hospital (and directly under my window I might add). A particularly large and perfectly round one, I’ve never seen one so grand—the first morning after our beautiful baby daughter arrived. There’s other things as well, I’ll not bore you with the minutae, although there is a story—too long for the telling here on the computer, it’s meant for long cold nights by a fire with good ale—involving some mysterious and possibly fae shenanigans near our ancestral family home in Wales….so you see, I’m not SAYING there’s fairy blood per se, I most certainly can’t confirm it in any way that would be approved by mundane means. I’m just not saying there isn’t neither. One knows what one knows, that’s all. In my experience, it’s much the same with dwarves. 😉 Any road, I am glad to hear that you too believe in the steadfast virtue of our beloved mayor. Of course as a reporter, you must hold yourself to the highest possible standards of factual reporting; quite unlike the news these days as it’s told outside the boundaries of our dear Hobbiton. But I know the truth will out and of course you will be there to relay it to us, the anxious citizens, as efficiently and truthfully as your previous writings have already
    proven. I look forward to reading your reports.

    Best regards,
    I remain as ever, your faithful reader,
    Paula